The only one song that reminds me of you is bleeding into my ears. I spent too many days away stowed away alone in my hideout forcing myself to forget. Song like a broken record, my feet know this road all too well. And so again, lesson learned. Hard way, no hard feelings. How many part of us do I need to lose before I stop thinking that every time would be different? I don't really know. I am teaching myself to forget and to lose count of the days I'm counting. I broke us too much for me to try piece the shred together. I won't even try.
I won't try to make amend this time around. For so long I thought I was never coming back home, but each time I do, I relentlessly sink into the warmth of familiarity. I know forgetting takes time. You're giving me time, more than I will ever need. This won't be in vain.
I looked out to the strip of light into my bedroom window today, one that breaks fall on the picture you gave me, memories disintegrating on my nightstand. Night bleeds profusely and I swore that I will wait. Today the sky is angry red and tomorrow I anticipate for it to come. And another day until the waiting ends. Until then, I could never accept to love or to hurt another only to fill my emptiness. Nothing could ever be more wrong than using another person's feeling to patch for my loneliness. I will wait for everything to be sure before I blindly run into a stretched arms calling out my name.
When the day comes and I could look into your eyes and tell you I do not love you anymore, I will have truly forgotten things I need to let go of. Today is just the easiest way to get to that day. I will wait. Until then, I will not try to fill this emptiness. Until then, I will not try to find you in another. Until then, it will always be you.
