WAYS TO CHOKE

You yawn a lot during movies and to me, you're so fucking beautiful when you yawns and I can't get enough of you being happy. I recall the way your arms exposed when you had your sleeves rolled up and I can't breathe from it all. Everytime I see you, euphoria spread pervasively through me. And I sit alone for hours trying to figure you out, failing everytime and trying again. Now that I know where to find you, it's easy to get pieces of self you left behind. I'll keep what you have lost so if you want it back, you can find me almost anywhere. Perhaps as you turned around while other people talked, you saw me staring at you but you may never know whatever thoughts run inside my head but maybe you do. Sometimes, I feel like it's just us coexisting in this vast universe and no one else in between.

Despite it all, I feel like smiling when you're laughing with all of your heart. It's like you're don't have a care in this world; if only I can record you laughing on tape, I'd like nothing else to hear but that tape until the day I die. I saw you sad and afraid and doubtful and I love you for all you are. I saw you as someone perfect and I loved you. Then, I realized you were not perfect and I loved you even more, darling.

I want you to realize someday that I am loving you in ways no one else could ever do for you. I want you to know that this love is hard to dissolve. I want you to know that you're worthwhile and deserving of love. That you should be in a state of fearless and happy without any mentioning of your past. You should be free of whatever sins you had ever did, purposely or out of need. Perhaps, if you can, I want you to read the message I sent you when exam started and tell me what you feel when you saw me staring into spaces and seeing no one else but you.