After spending some time struggling about faith and beliefs, I do find myself in this same pit again, questioning existence again, contemplating changes again. I find myself here: completely neutral accordance to religious grasp which, for most people I’m surrounded by, is presumed crucial in their lives. What is it that encompass us to acknowledge one true being that will watch over us silently? This conceptual persuasive entity deemed divine. Be anywhere, everywhere but choosing silent.
I must also acknowledge my hypocritical view of this entity. There are many times in almost 18 years of my short life lived where I felt completely helpless and microscopic that I accepted the thought, the very concept that this entity will keep me (and everyone involved) safe from harm. It brings comfort that I picture grace, mercy, aid from an entity that is invisible, far be it can disappoint, as simple as no physical establishment meant no traced existent, no track of mistake but It manifest as a concept that exist within the human. Compassion, atonement, understanding, obeying.
They conjured up a lot of images of It, differing in commandments and prohibitions, taking mold of a same concept.
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The manifestation occur within the believers, those who upholds a fundamental idea that there is this image of the saints and the sinners. It is a tricky thing to keep balance of faith and obsession. I am fully aware that it is the believers and upholders that were faulty, not the concept itself. It’s intolerable to me that some of us go all the way to discriminate and degrade among ourselves for a silent watcher to watch. To want to fascinate It.
It is a tricky thing to keep balance, to be so sure of something totally undisputed, invisible, intangible, unimaginable, amorphous; yet there are millions of us. It breaks us, it integrates us, it deceives us, but we were willing.
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In hindsight, I have thought if whether God is the most understanding. One who is above simply cannot fully comprehend what is under him. An observer, a creator can assume he has seen it all, from the building block to the complete creation, but having control of everything, He chose for us to be able to choose, but we were expected to chose what He wants us to choose. If we choose to deviate, we were promised punishments. Then maybe, one who is below cannot comprehend power of what’s above them. A person said that it was His way of shaping us. Of learning. He taught of what is wrong and what isn’t and it’s totally up for our decision which to make but he makes the diverging narrowed to one path, which is the ideal of right to Him.
Perhaps Adam and Eve’s issue of being taught the price of mistake is just God’s residue anger. It means He has forgiven but not forget what his creation chose.
Another person said: God is an image of man at his best, the devil is an image of man at his worst. It’s a dichotomy, two extremes of a trait. Black and white. One is perfect, the other fatally flawed. Yet if we were to come up with a defined perfect, no such thing exist. Pure perfectness would be flawed and therefore pure perfectness would not exist. There is ideal. Perhaps God is flawed in a manner. A divine being’s ideal and a creature’s ideal differs in such huge gaps. Perhaps a divine being deems silence as space for micro independent, free will as choice, faith as loyalty. Creature otherwise thought silence as irresponsible, free will as an unnecessary test, faith as needy.
