Today I didn't see you around like I did the past week. When a lot of people babble on the podium, my eyes wandered across the whole place looking for you. You were nowhere to be found. You went back hiding, straight into your damn cave .I thought you were going strong. No, you didn't and that makes me sad. I want to return the strength and positivity you brought in to my life. I want to return the favour. I want to do it for you: make you strong to face those cruel verdicts of this world. Us against the world. But I am nobody to you and I can't help. I couldn't help but look for you wherever I walk to, hoping that maybe you'd have a second thought about some things. Your name turns out to be a mantra keeping me alive, you might not know that. And I want to be yours in some twisted way. Unknowingly. I want to be your strength and hold you as we hear those subtle whisper spreading on the streets and I would tell you it's okay. It would always turns out okay. I swear. I regret not shoving the truth down your throat. I told you to be strong. I told you to find yourself. I told you to find the right words. I told you to listen to the right songs. Maybe if you listened to me we could've fall in love
the right way and maybe then, your ghost won't be the ones residing at the back of every photographs I take. Maybe then, you wouldn't have to hide like this, and I, I don't have to miss you in this fucked up way.
Also, if I can go back to whenever it was that I first fell for you, I'd tell myself to look away from your eyes and force myself to glare at you everytime we walk past by each other's classes even if my old self would never agree because the me in the past was so in love with the idea of being yours and she'd desperately do anything for it but I'd convince myself to end it fast so she won't feel the bitter aftertaste soon. My old self would understand, then.
But,
I can't.
I can't, darling.
I can't.
